lelucciola

lelucciola @ 2008-09-29T23:36:00

2008-09-29T13:31:40Z

3 days....

lelucciola @ 2008-09-28T23:17:00

2008-09-28T13:23:19Z

"What a lie oh what a thief what a major fucking waste of my time.."
"I wanna take another turn, I wanna taste a little sweetness in life..."
"And is it major is it mine or I don't know I'm out of time I can tell.."

lelucciola @ 2008-09-28T00:08:00

2008-09-27T14:05:43Z

Only 4 more days...until I see him again...I've spent 8 years waiting for this so it could be over now I wish it was another 8 years away...I know whats going to happen, but I'm still going like I need to go...even though I know its going to make all the memories fresh again with his face as plain as day in them...I've even had to warn Zodian that I might want to be left alone for a while, that I'll cut off from alot of places and people, that I'm probably going to get alot worse before anything gets better and the thought of that scares the absolute shit out of me...

Not getting any better..

2008-09-17T13:48:49Z

If I keep feeling the way I do I'm gonna have to go back onto the effxor and I really would rather not. Having to remember to take it every day then feeling absolutely horrible when I forget....not to mention feeling sick as going back on them again, though I guess I could try a different type but that would probably make me feel like shit to...either way I'm fucked...

It's funny, I seem to have a lot of online friends who seem to like talking to me and telling me all the good stuff that happens and the shitty stuff but I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to....sure I have zo but that's different, sometimes you want to talk to someone removed from the whole situation that isn't biased and that you can stop talking about it and get on with whatever and not have it carry on or feel bad you can forget you even spoke about shit.....

I don't have friends that I hang with alot or go and visit now and then or randomly do fun stuff, I have some friends who i see once in a blue moon and chat to a bit online, but that's about it....I have old school friends that live three and a half hours away....and I have online friends that I chat to often but I doubt they would really give a shit, its mostly stuff said for giggles, and something to do....but no one to really talk to....

I'm not about to go ring lifeline either been there done that they just shit me off granted they do a good job for people and all but not for me I just don't like it...fucked if i know why

Had fun last night getting all messed up then zo wanting me to talk, with me REALLY not wanting to which ended up in me driving of for an hour or something...he slept on the couch last night....we're all good tonight though, but i still don't really wanna talk...I end up feeling guilty cos im sure he's heard enough of my woe is me shit before and I dunno it's weird...

lelucciola @ 2008-09-17T01:17:00

2008-09-16T15:17:30Z

...the all to familiar grey seeps in and black shadows take over turning into darkness..

Meh

2008-08-27T13:36:23Z

Been a while since I even logged in here. :/
I suppose that's because I haven't been doing to bad. It's coming back though, I've been ignoring it but it's there and it won't go away until it's over. October 2nd, it should finally be finished then. I am hoping it will be but I think it will hang around a little while all the same even if it's finished. :|

All the little things are irritating me again and stressing me out. I've spent the last 14 weeks doing a trainee-ship and am almost finished. So I should be able to get into a better job when I'm finished, but all I have found so far are jobs that start at 5-6am and finish at 1-2pm which I can't do because of the kids. >:|

I still feel like a single mum. I do everything for them. I get them up in the morning, get them to bed, bath them, feed them, cloth them, cook, clean, pay for all their stuff, take them to daycare, pick them up from daycare. I know its my choice and my own responsibility as I put myself in this situation. But 24/7 365 days a year it's getting to me and I'm getting more tired by the day, more worn out, more stressed. I wish I had some real help with them. Someone to share all the fun and awesome moments with that understands how special they can be. :(

While I love being with and around him, I'm struggling to be a gf and spend quality time with him and then being a full time lone parent/mum and doing all I have to do with that with no help. Well to be honest I get a lil help but it doesn't feel like much. I am grateful for what I have and what help I do get.l I just feel like its not enough like I need more help. Maybe I'm just being greedy. :S

My parents spent the night here last night, we all got drinking and the both got sloshed. Dad wouldn't shut up, drinking makes him very sociable. Mum got so pissed she spewed, I don't think I've seen her hat drunk before. She kept telling me how Grandma rung dad after I gave her a suprise visit a few weeks ago when we all went for a holiday to Cairns to see Grandma, and told dad how lovely it was, and how well behaved the boys were etc etc. She kept telling me because Grandma really enjoyed it, and dad refused to help me go up and see her and didn't want me to go up thinking the boys would be too much for her to handle. But he was wrong and they were very good I only stayed for a little bit each time so they didn't stress her out or anything. He even rung me to say thank you and that he was proud of me. I'm getting off track now :/ Either way mum was sloshed and couldn't remember what she had and hadn't told me.

Time for be now I think I was going to babble more shit but I'm to tired sore n worn out from cleaning the kitchen by myself and doing most of dinner, clearing the table, wiping it down, vacuuming the entrance walkway kitchen and dining then mopping it by myself. I'd already done the lounge room. Now I'm just bitching but I don't give a fuck I'm sore and I'm tired and blah... :(

Meh

2007-07-14T00:55:48Z

I hate being sick I FUCKING HATE being sick! Sore muscles, headache, sore throat that feels like I've swallowed razors, hot and cold fevers, bring on summer I'm sick of this fucking cold shit.

Update..

2007-07-05T23:26:03Z

Study is hectic feels like I'm getting no where. Slowly getting things together for my business just a few weeks and it should be up and going and making money. Been to a few places/events with Zodian the awesome boyfriend.

Zodian and I have been together for over 6 months now and he took me go carting to celebrate. I had only ever been go carting once before on a little track and it was sooo fun, Imade some poor guy drive into a pile of tyres :D then i went of road but managed to get back on the track hehe.

I know where I'm gonna take us to celebrate I would have done it sooner but alas there are bills etc.

Caloundra Cup Races we had our pic taken for the newspaper but they didn't print it :( and it wasn't this pic it was another taken by their photographer dude I wanna get a copy of it :(

Whore style :P Zodians friend had a 25th Birthday party themed Pimps N Hoes it was awesome. We all chucked in a bit of money and got our own rooms in a penthouse in Noosa three levels, had its own elevator, pool, spa and sauna twas very cool.

Taken in the middle of the Pimps n Hoes party I was a bit trashed so I laid down for a while and stuffed about with the camera :P